halloweenadvice

NewsWhistle’s New Rules for Adults on Halloween

This NewsWhistle Classic originally ran on October 29, 2012

There’s a row of stalls on a canted Hong Kong street that sells costumes and dress-up accessories all year long.

During the Halloween high season, the narrow street becomes crowded with mostly childless adults looking for their party costumes.

My wife and I were there this past weekend, weaving through the crowd searching for the perfect ensemble.

My wife soon eyed a pair of large red angel wings. And as she waited for a salesperson to help her, she struck up a conversation with a curly-haired woman who asked us if we were going to a certain bash in the Hong Kong hills later that night.

The curly-haired woman dropped the homeowner’s name and a partial address. We joked that we might stop by. The curly-haired woman agreed we should. And so we did – with a few friends in tow.

Yes, towards midnight on a Saturday night, five mature adults crashed a grown-up house party in the Hong Kong hills. And it was a pretty good time. So good, in fact, that it changed our dress and party guidelines for Halloween.

NewsWhistle’s New Rules for Adults on Halloween Night

Halloween Rule 1. Women should not wear a Playboy bunny outfit – unless they’re ready to be compared to a Playboy bunny.

Halloween Rule 2. Men should refrain from wearing fake blood, a Michael Jackson “Thriller” costume or a Speedo. This rule also applies to all non-Halloween events.

Halloween Rule 3. “Fusion” costumes – like a neon blue wig with a Batwoman bodysuit – work.

Halloween Rule 4. This one is so obvious, but it needs to be repeated: cheerleader uniforms work.

Halloween Rule 5. A man dressed as a nun works – but only if he’s bearded. There’s something about a beard that says I’m hip, I’m ironic, I’m into nudist colonies. If you wear a nun outfit without facial hair, you’re a goner.

Halloween Rule 6. For some reason, known only to the Halloween gods, pirate costumes work in intimate settings, but not in large group gatherings.

Halloween Rule 7. Women lose all sex appeal when sporting fake facial scars and/or zombie make-up.

Halloween Rule 8. Party security should be professional, licensed and trained. And under no circumstances should they let a sweaty man, who’s whacked out of his mind and dressed only in a Speedo, rub up against partygoers seductively and then punch them before rummaging through a used trash bag and wiping his fingers on his bare chest.

Halloween Rule 9. If you must get sick, do it discreetly. Don’t be dressed as a neo-Prince Valiant, spew in front of a crowd, and then wave a fake dagger triumphantly and resume dancing right after you’re done.

Halloween Rule 10. If you throw a party at your own home, order at least a few hundred pairs of hotel slippers for your guests. It saves the floor from scuffs and eliminates the pick-up line “Love your shoes.” Then again, maybe it doesn’t.

— end it —

Stock photo courtesy of Deborah Kolb/Shutterstock.com