america-podium-feature

A White House Press Briefing for President Donald J Trump – Parody Alert

Sonny Hooper is the pen name of a member of the Republican Underground.

Here is his imagining of what a White House press briefing would look like – six months into the presidency of Donald J. Trump.

Whether a Republican or Democrat, we think you’ll find some humor in it. Enjoy!

***

Six Months After the Inauguration: White House Daily Press Briefing

***

PRESS SECRETARY SPEAKING: Today marks six months since the new President was inaugurated. I would like to begin today’s briefing with some brief announcements.

First, the Administration would like to stress its regret for the inadvertent characterization of the Emperor of Japan and state that in our view “midget loser” is not an accurate description. We reiterate that Japan remains a close friend and ally of the United States and any expressions that might appear to be disparaging should be viewed in the context the American tradition of informality.

Second, the Administration would like to stress its regret for the inadvertent characterization of the French Foreign Minister and state that in our view “smelly loser” is not an accurate description. We reiterate that France remains a close friend and ally of the United States and any expressions that might appear to be disparaging should be viewed in the context of the American tradition of collegial informality.

Third, the Administration would like to stress its regret for the inadvertent characterization of the entire population of Germany and state that in our view “greedy losers” is not an accurate description. We reiterate that Germany remains a close friend and ally of the United States and any expressions that might appear to be disparaging should be viewed in the context of the American tradition of jocular informality.

Fourth, the Administration would like to stress its regret to the nations of Sierra Leone, Ghana, Nigeria, Gabon, Kenya, Mozambique, Namibia, South Africa, and Botswana and reassure the peoples and the governments of these nations of the utmost respect in which they are held by the United States. Casual statements such as “There is no effing way I am going to waste a trip to New York by meeting with these losers at the U.N.” should be viewed as a statement of friendship. Indeed, the statement was so positive that the Administration acknowledges the potential for confusion and hurt feelings among remaining African nations and seeks to assure those countries not mentioned that no oversight was intentional.

Fifth, the Administration would like to convey its regret to steel and iron workers as well as auto manufacturers around the world and stress that the term “lying stinking cheats” in this context should be viewed as a term of affection and respect.

Finally, the Administration would like to state to the entire South Asian subcontinent, including the populations of India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Bhutan, and Sri Lanka, as well as to citizens of other countries who are of South Asian ethnic background that the Administration has enormous respect for your culinary traditions. Statements that might be interpreted to the contrary such as “This stuff makes me sick and I don’t see how you can touch it. It looks like a combination of rat meat and raw sewage. No wonder you have plenty of cholera and no electricity. Losers. Losers. Losers.” are comments we would describe as ambivalent. Given the  different possible interpretations of these remarks, they should be viewed as a light-hearted comment reflecting an ongoing life journey to better understand different cultures and practices.

Unfortunately we have no time for questions. This concludes today’s press briefing.

 ***

Lead-In Image Courtesy of Aina Jameela / Shutterstock.com