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Why You Can Chuck The Box Of Chocolates This Valentine’s Day

So you’re at the supermarket on a last-minute Valentine’s shopping spree and you reach for that classic box of Russell Stover chocolates for your sweetie. Really? You’re going that route…AGAIN?!?

Well, back up the kart, Romeo; let’s ditch the classic confectioneries this year, because, well, you can.

While not on par with the crazy amounts of sweets that Halloween, Christmas and Easter offer, Valentine’s Day is still one of the traditional treat-fests. Yes, with the emergence of the following new snacks, you can afford to be bold.

Combine these two words—red and velvet—and you’re on the right track.

In fact, when I hear those words, I think: smooooooth operator.  That’s you, if you choose to accept this grocery mission.

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RED VELVET OREOS

oreoinstagram
Oreo / Instagram

Are you kidding me with these? Yes, there have been some outlandish flavors recently including Root Beer Float, Watermelon and the atrocious Cookie Dough, but I’m here to tell you they finally nailed one of these spin-off delights.

Two red velvet cookies with a creamy, cream-cheesy filling is the perfect combo. Not too rich, not overpowering, and nearly orgasmic. This is a four-star cookie, folks, and the Girl Scouts ain’t got nothing on the speed in which these vanish into thin air. I’m lookin’ at you, Thin Mints.

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RED VELVET HOSTESS CUPCAKES

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Hostess Brands / Instagram

It was a miracle that Hostess was saved, but not only are they operating at the highest level again, they’re experimenting with bold, new artificial ingredients.  Beside the Suzy-Q not being available yet (which frustrates me to no end) I believe they are in better hands then ever and this tasty new red velvet cupcake is the icing on the cake.

Rich, red velvety, cakey goodness with the original cream filling is just about perfect. Well, everybody knows perfect is dipping Hostess products in a mug of milk. So go forth, dip, and try not to eat all eight in one sitting. Good luck with that.

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RED VELVET DREYER’S ICE CREAM

dreyers
Dreyers.com

I’ll recommend this with one precaution: It’s incredibly rich. Great robust flavor with lots of cake chunks, but one scoop is all you need.

Now, if you have access to a hot tub, this is the perfect dish to pass back and forth. And heck, if you’re feeling frisky…why not serve it with a warm red velvet cupcake. Zing. You just scored in a major way. You pretty much rock, dude!

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HOSTESS CHERRY-CREAM CHOCODILES

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Hostess Brands / Instagram

Hey, I love the fact that Chocodiles, er Chocolate-covered Twinkies, made a major comeback but I just can’t get on board with this particular variation.

It’s not that the flavor is barf-inducing, or even gag-inducing, it’s just that I’ve never been a fan of the chocolate-covered cherry. Now if you actually like those, you might find these delectable, so I’m including them just in case you have slightly questionable tastes.

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Jeff Bock, NewsWhistle’s movie editor, is the senior box office analyst at Exhibitor Relations in Los Angeles, California. He can be reached at Jeff@NewsWhistle.com.

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Lead-In Image Courtesy of Everett Collection / Shutterstock