Our Review of “Resident Evil: Retribution (3D)” …
In the fifth installment of the dystopic sci-fi/adventure series, Alice once again encounters the Red Queen, fights fantastical creatures, and tries to escape a Russian rabbit hole so she can save herself, humanity, and now a little deaf girl from corporate thugs and virus-infected mutant zombies.
1. Did we have high expectations for the movie? No.
2. Do we like the “Resident Evil” series? Yes. A lot.
3. Was it fun to see a near-naked Milla Jovovich in 3D? Yes.
4. Was it fun to watch Sienna Guillory’s cleavage in 3D? Yes. They should actually just make a movie about Guillory’s cleavage.
5. Was it fun to see Michelle Rodriguez attempt to act like a suburbanite at the beginning of the movie? Yes. We now think she can become the Meryl Streep of our generation.
6. Really? You think Michelle Rodriguez can become the Meryl Streep of our generation? No. No, we don’t.
7. Did we walk away from the movie with a perfect Halloween costume idea? Yes. It involves two paper sheets and scotch tape.
8. Did we feel like this was a lazy attempt by filmmakers to bridge to the next installment of the series? Uh-huh.
9. Did we fall asleep in the middle of the movie? Yes!
10. What? You fell asleep in the middle of a dystopic sci-fi/action adventure flick? Yes, we did.
11. Is this more a lazy Saturday or lazy Sunday movie to watch at home? Yes.
12. But wasn’t the 3D good? It was okay. Milla Jovovich was clothed most of the time and Sienna Guillory’s cleavage wasn’t always around to steal each scene.
13. Can you actually review a movie if you fell asleep in the middle of it? Up for debate, but we say yes…
Our Overall Rating (one out of five whistles, five whistles being the best): Two Whistles
NOTE: We saw the movie with two friends. For fairness’ sake, here are their ratings . . .
Friend A – Three Whistles overall; Four Whistles when compared with other zombie flicks.
Friend B – Two Whistles overall; Three Whistles when compared with other zombie flicks.
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Photo Courtesy of Morphart Creations Inc./Shutterstock.com